- I'm in a similar situation. Was bullied/abused as a youth, made to feel worthless, had trouble socializing, now older, fairly alone, and don't care as much. Lack of social skills become less of a trouble as one ages, I've found, depending on the circumstances, which is quite comforting.
- Talk to a specialist like a therapist. Have them give you an honest assessment of how you present yourself. Maybe there's something you're doing or saying, or even the way you look, that you're not aware of and has caused people to keep their distance from you.
Given how long you've claimed you've been like this, it's very likely behavioral; you're giving off some characteristic that is telling most people you meet that you're not worth spending time with. It might be something as simple as avoiding eye contact, or strange body language, or not knowing how to hold even a rudimentary, surface-level conversation. These are all skills that can be learned, especially when you're still young.
I was in a similar situation when I was younger; grew up relatively isolated, barely had any friends, etc. I was socially deprived and abused as a child, and have a speech impediment that has made socializing difficult at times, but I learned how to listen and ask questions and get to know people, and I actually became quite the social butterfly for a good chunk of my 20s and 30s.
Now that I'm older, I'm back to being more isolated for personal reasons, but my life is different now and I don't care as much about it, nor am I as reliant on social connections as I used to be. Frankly, I never felt I fit in anywhere, nor have I ever truly liked anyone beyond whatever immediate social gratification I needed filling in the moment. Friendships and connections have always been fleeting, overhyped, and overblown to me, especially when I look back at my life so far and struggle to think of anyone I still care about.
Social connections are important when you're younger, but I've found the older you get, the less important they become, especially if you're smart about how you live your life.
- "Many of the job applicant expected me to answer asinine questions like "what excited you about this role?""
Most job interviews involve this and many other similar type moronic questions. It's one of the many "joys" of the process.
- You have no idea what fascism is. If you ever encountered a real fascist, you'd shit your pants.
And, again, I'm not a coder and only know the absolute basics of programming. This is not something I would have been able to do without AI assistance.
There's also the fact that many programmers working on software today both big and small use AI to one degree or another, maybe not to program the whole thing from scratch, but definitely to help ease the process. It's an invaluable tool.