What you have is mental illness. A healthy brain does not decide to kill itself. Please get help and do NOT wait for your elderly relatives to pass before making the call.
And hence why as is often the point, being unique isn't a desired thing. Because most people don't want the frightening unfamiliarity.
Get off of internet forums and seek medical help. Your loved ones would tell you the same thing.
What about people that give their lives to save others? Are they mentally ill as well?
And again this is what I mean. I don't have anyone close to me anymore outside of the ones in my care. That was a conscious decision to minimize any potential collatoral harm when I do die.
My previous friends have drifted off over the last 15 years from me intentionally neglecting those relationships. I have never had intimate relationships with anyone, I haven't spoken to my sibling in 22 years, and most of my kin lives continents away and to whom I have never even seen in my life.
Who exactly are these loved ones you think exist?
The answer: "elderly relatives" "My previous friends" "my sibling" "my kin"
When you say, "That was a conscious decision to minimize any potential collatoral harm when I do die", it tells me that you were suicidal first, and lost contact with your friends and family second. You have all of those connections, and they will be devastated to learn that you took your own life without reaching out for help.
(I'm ignoring the first two paragraphs you posted - it's just pointless argumentation on your part that doesn't have anything to do with your illness.)
The term "mental health" is quite terrible because what are we using as a baseline for "healthy" when we throw that term around? No one can answer that. I don't think everyone using that term is being malicious but they don't realize how patronizing it is.
What gets to be a tired argument is with people that seem to believe that the former is the only possible explanation, and refuse to believe that the latter is even a possibility. For them I think the problem is that challenges the belief that life is to be held upon a sacred alter above all, and that such a belief is held to be a universal truth.
It's hard to step away from such a belief because it opens an uncomfortable door in asking what makes being alive to be preferable, who gets to decide that, and what if anything should be done about it.
Why are you so certain? 15 years is a long time to look down that barrel why do you deserve that?
But my best attempt would be to say... There hasn't been any contraindications to make me think that think that suicide isn't the correct choice in the end. It feels right to me.
I'm going to commit suicide. I've known this for the last 15 years. It'll probably be another 10 years before I'll die, but I know my end is half laying down with a 1.5 inch nylon strap tied cinched on my neck and a tree trunk in the dead of night so that no one will be able to find me in time. The reason I haven't is because I'm taking of elderly relatives, but they are the only reason I'm still here.
That's the real me. The one that looks forward to dying even though there doesn't seem to be any reason why I want to die.
I wonder how many in this thread would be utterly horrified by this vs accepting of this.