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This is an unsolved problem for me as well. How do I add focus to my free time, while giving meaningful time to my kids, and adjusting on a dime when they demand my attention? This is currently my biggest excuse to waste time. Why try to focus on hobbies or learning when at any second my wife or kids might need me at any moment and I've already spent 8ish hours of my day giving them zero of my attention?

I didn't see that as an "unsolved problem" at the time. When my kid was little, spending a good chunk of my time tending to them was par for the course. I never saw that as an obligation or a "problem", but rather as part of a conscious choice regarding lifestyle I had made.

Of course, that doesn't mean one can't have hobbies or can't learn. But it did mean that I wouldn't be able to dedicate a comparable amount of time or focus to them, as I would have if I didn't have a child to tend to. Accepting that as a fact of life was really helpful.

It does help to put in active effort in equal measure. Like, alternating taking care of bedtime routines, cooking, eating, care, etc.

Regardless, I can understand the sentiment. Inevitably, you're going to reflect "Why am I doing this again?" and "Oh, I could have done x or y while I was playing with toys!". That's just par for the course as a parent. And it's totally valid. Inevitably, there's some frustration involved in raising children. It's just that you can choose to let that go, or dive into a negative diatribe about personal choices directed against yourself, which is just a ticket to misery.

In all of this, it does also help to remind yourself: It will get better! And the time you invest in your children when they are small really does pay off dividends as you all grow older.

It really is a phase in life. A teenager is very different from a small kid. You don't have to spend every second tending to them anymore. They start to live their own lives with their own habits, gaining their own independence. As a parent, you also regain freedom to take up hobbies again. Of course, a teenager comes with different challenges, and you still have to pay attention, but between 6 and 16, everyone's lives look quite different.

This plus WFH is an even bigger challenge since the lines have blurred between free time between meetings and free time before and after work. At my wits end trying to be a serious working professional and a contributing father & husband.
Establish clear boundaries. Before WFH, you didn't have to do this because your commute / physical presence at home / office did that for you. Now you have to do it yourself.

Keep a clear schedule when you're on the clock / off the clock. Work in a separate space (if you can / have one available). Lay out ground rules with your spouse / housemates when you can / can't be disturbed due to work. Clock in / out at the same times you did when you worked at the office. Use the time you'd spend commuting to take a walk before / after work: helps mark the transition between work / personal time. Personally, I close my laptop at the end of the day, get in the kitchen and start cooking dinner.

Sure, WFH sounds attractive and there's the implicit promise that you can flexibly combine work with family life. But let's just admit that there are hard limits here.

For instance, if you're still expected to be in meetings at 4PM, like in the old days, you just can't ensure your spouse you'll be able to pick up the kids from daycare / school every day.

For instance, WFH has moved the office space into the digital realm with tools like Zoom, Teams, Slack, etc. But none of that implies you're now magically available at 9PM to answer any messages.

It's up to you to set boundaries and enforce them. Yes, some people may not always like that. Frankly, they aren't you and they aren't living your life. Don't burn yourself up to keep everyone else warm.

Tips on how to enforce those boundaries with kids? I have been WFH since March 2020 (and occasional remote work prior), my wife a part of that too. We both have home offices. But in any instances where the school is closed, or they are doing remote learning, there is inevitably at least once a day where he (8 year old son) barges in to tell us some random story; kids have not a fucking care about if you're on a call/zoom or up to your elbows in code/config.

Just now, he came to show me the latest iteration of his lego boost project (highly recommended kit BTW) using the sensor to only shoot the missile at mini figures in red shirts... which this interruption took me out of my first pomodoro block, and brought me here.

It is a semi-chaotic existence, lines between work/home are hard to define and my biggest win is defining a daily schedule around our mutual 'must attend meetings' and running interference for the other during those times.

In my experience, the kid interruptions are usually more entertaining than when I used to get the random co-workers 'drop by' to chat and would have 20 minutes of nothing to get to one 30 second question...

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