burnt-resistor parent
Except that would impose SystemD on people who prefer UNIX principles rather than unnecessary complexity and obscurant, user-, and configuration-hostile "new" ways that aren't better than GNU Guix or GNU Stow.
I'm feeling a Poe's Law tickle here.
I've never understood the anger about systemd. Is it over-engineered? Probably. Have I ever had to worry about it not working? No.