For me, I noticed I have no compulsion to surf after hanging out with friends where I have their attention and curiosity and they have mine. It is like an oxytocin surge that depletes overtime and needs recharging. Scrolling is like junk food in that it feels like a recharge but empties as soon as I stop.
I now call up a friend or arrange a hangout if I feel like I’m running low and it’s amazing how many friends are delighted to hear from me but then never reach out.
What I'm trying to say is that blocking and working on the "deeper" issues are stronger when used synergistically, it doesn't have to be an either or.
Even people older, like me, who grew up without these things for a good portion of their life. They lost the ability to be bored and need to relearn it.
I personally have always refused to get sucked into the phone. Never turned notifications on, never cared about social media, etc. I don't like video'ing the concert I'm attending. I like being present and I love being bored.
I have noticed that usually people who make it their mission to stop doing a thing are replacing that thing with the mission itself. This strategy is always bound for failure, because the moment it starts to work for them is the moment they end the mission. This is when, instead of reevaluating their strategy, they punish themselves for the failure to not do. The cycle repeats, and the person spirals into rumination about their stress.
I didn't just stop biting my nails. I started trimming them instead.
I am just some rando on the internet and only share
what I hope will help. In no way is the below a
replacement for professional counseling.
My first recommendation is to try to not beat yourself up about this. No one knows how to hurt you more than yourself.
My second recommendation is to take small steps and allow yourself time for each new habit to become entrenched. For example, keep your phone in your pocket instead of visibly near. Once that feels natural, incorporate the next habit which you feel reduces the device's prominence in daily life.
> I have tried all kinds of blocking software and strategies. Blocking software, however elaborate, never seems to make a different.
As others have mentioned and you describe, using an app on the device to alter dependency on the device likely will not work as the device remains the focal point.
> This is a really tough nut to crack. I think there is probably no technological solution to it.
It is and I believe you are entirely correct in identifying "no technological solution to it." If we pursue this hypothesis to its logical conclusion, then one or more solutions must exist outside the technical space. Which suggests a solution might be found in the behavioral space as the two actors in this scenario are a person and a device.
I'm not saying this will be easy nor simple, only that I hope you find peace in finding your solution.
One thing I found very helpful was to regularly practice mindfulness meditation, as it reduces my desire for entertainment and generally seems to improve my executive function a lot. It also caused other improvements to my well-being in general.
Regarding a technological solution to blocking, I did the following (on Android, I can handle myself on non-portable devices):
1: Use adguard to block the relevant addresses on DNS level. I chose adguard specifically because it allows setting regex-like patterns on what addresses to block, eliminating loop holes.
2: Use applock (I haven't informed if applock specifically is better or worse than alternatives) to require a passcode when opening settings, when opening adguard, and when opening applock itself. Store this passcode in a way that it's cumbersome but possible to reach. Ask a friend or relative to set and store it for you if necessary.
3: Remove the icons of adguard and applock from the home screen, so that they are only reachable through settings -> apps.
This has worked well for me. It's cumbersome enough to discourage me from deactivating it. It's not so cumbersome that I can't update the block list if necessary. It's flexible enough that I can very precisely choose what to block and what not. And it's specialized for (android) smartphones, which are the worst scrolling addiction drivers.
You could also throw in Google parental controls to stop yourself from downloading apps if necessary, but I found that DNS blocks are enough for me.
If you struggle with other devices as well, like TVs, consider whether you can get away with not owning these devices at all.
All that being said, professional psychological help for addiction and executive dysfunction exists. That would have been my last resort if the methods mentioned above hadn't turned out to be sufficient for me.
Good luck, don't give up.
This is the thing; the brain is not actually comfortable just sitting idle with the reins slack. There's got to be some stimulus. I don't think there's any real solution other than finding a displacement activity. I know somebody who weaned themselves off smoking by developing a Gameboy Tetris addiction instead.
Other than going out and trying to be social, there's a whole range of "something to do with your hands" activities. If you take up knitting then at least at the end of it you have a scarf. Myself, I'm trying to train myself to open one of the language learning apps every time I think I'm spending time scrolling.
I figure the accessibility of phones are what makes the mindless scrooling habit so dangerous.
I mean I keep my beer in the garage to not drink as much.
The confusing thing is sometimes I have days when I do manage to do work, but I can never see what I do differently on those days to other days.
At least for me this is the pattern I had before I had a good enough dose of meds.
I have tried all kinds of blocking software and strategies. Blocking software, however elaborate, never seems to make a different. You find one way or another to get around the block and then after a while turning off the block just becomes part of your muscle memory. The most extreme thing I tried was cutting off the internet to my house and going back to a dumbphone for 6 months. For sure, I probably had less screen time. But I also spent many hours sitting in the station using the public wifi or watching hours and hours of pointless television.
This is a really tough nut to crack. I think there is probably no technological solution to it.