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I too suffer from this, but as I learned, Nature built an elegant solution to this. Have a family and kids. Your choice when you have time off of work will be reduced to hacking or playing with your child that you have been neglecting due to a crunch at work. You’re welcome.

TeMPOraL
Parent here, can confirm Nature solved this elegantly.

However, like every other solution built by Nature, this one also works through pain, suffering and death. Nature doesn't care if you're happy, nor does it care if you're suffering. And it especially doesn't care if your suffering is a low-burn, long-term pain in the depth of your heart.

So yeah, having kids will force you to make choices and abandon frivolities, in the same way setting your house on fire will free you from obsessing over choices for unnecessary expenses :).

isolli
Nature has another elegant solution, often applying both in conjunction: aging. As I age (and, yes, take care of my kids), I find myself more and more on the side of exploit in the exploration–exploitation dilemma. This will most likely endure after the kids have left.
noisy_boy
Sometimes kids do make one feel that the house is on fire though I think I won't be looking forward to be hugged every evening by a burning house excited to see me.
piva00
Or just have another hobby not involving programming. I got into this from being my main hobby as a kid, the passion thing I did when free time was available, I learnt a lot (enough to build it into a career), I had lots of fun but that time is gone.

My free time is to be spent on other things, I get paid to fix issues and that pays my bills, I don't want nor need to be thinking about these issues outside of paid hours, you know too much to the point where you know how much effort it will take to fix something that might look innocuous, innocent, but definitely has deep tendrils of other related issues to tackle. It's not worth it, not if I'm not being paid for it or it isn't part of a personal project I'm really passionate about.

So I learnt to not care much, I help my colleagues, deliver what I tell I will deliver, and free space in my mind to pursue other more interesting stuff to me.

aleph_minus_one
> Or just have another hobby not involving programming.

This can actually make things (much) worse:

Since you have now another topic you are insanely passionate about, you see a lot of additional things in the world that are broken and need fixing (though of course typically not via programming).

Thus, while having a very different additionally hobby (not or barely involving programming) clearly broadens your horizon a lot, it also very likely doubles the curse/pain/problem that the original article discusses.

brulard
I agree with this. My hobbies tend to completely take over my thoughts and then it is difficult to switch to work context. It's much simpler for me if my hobby overlaps with my day job. If I get better in my hobby, that helps at job and vice versa.
piva00
Interesting, we are absolutely complete opposites. I do not ever want my hobbies to be anywhere close to my job.
yuppiepuppie
This is a great comment, as it hits far too close to my heart. Im currently trying to get my team to rethink how they are building the APIs for certain services in our product, and focus really on design and craftmanship. To the point where Im ready to start breaking it apart myself and coding up the solution on my off hours.

But then I look at my son, and say "screw it, they couldnt pay me enough to care out of hours and give up play time"

aleph_minus_one
Not everybody who is a great programmer is a great parent. :-(

I, for example, would perhaps not be a bad parent, but very likely at least one who does not obey the social expectations of how to raise a child.

Same. Also I have absolutely no interest in having them.
brulard
This may change with age
globular-toast
You don't need kids, just a partner who has a "normal" job and likes to do stuff on the evenings and weekends is enough. If you have a partner who also does thought work and tends towards the workaholic then things might be more difficult...
I'm far from ready for being a parent yet, but this is honestly one factor I've noticed over and over again as a difference between my childless peers and the parents I encounter in work situations. Parents are just much better at prioritizing their time and energy and avoid perfectionism and trying to fix everything.
matheusmoreira
Indeed. Marriage alone led to a complete reevaluation of my priorities in life. I still want to make cool stuff but my hobbies are so far down my list of priorities right now I would have to be actually getting paid in order to justify spending time on stuff.
optymizer
Perfectionist here. I'm on my third child. Can confirm - this person speaks the truth.
OrangeMusic
Great ad for condoms!

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