I almost didn't graduate high school and made a mess of my time at university, dropping out entirely my senior year (drugs and alcohol fueled by deep self-loathing made this an easy choice at the time).
Like you, I wish my dad had realized what he was doing in raising his children the way he did. His circumstances were deeply cruel. My relationship with him now continues to be marred by my understanding that he doled out the same punishment to his children and justified it by telling himself he was making us tougher.
In the end, it also took me nearly a decade to reach some level of parity with my peers. If that resilience is what got me here, then fair enough. But the juice wasn't worth the squeeze.
I was gobsmacked today by Rod Nordland's revelations on Amanpour that were a degree more intense but strikingly similar to my own childhood, and how I somehow also share gravitation to extreme sports and dangerous situations.
Severe disappointment, frustration, and discomfort as the result of their own decisions? Sure.
Actual abuse? Not so much.
My Dad had a successful business after a rough childhood, failing high school. He worked hard and built a successful business. He also really did wish ample doses of pain and suffering on me. And he got his wish.
He always thought it was good that I was bullied, that I also failed school, and that everything in life was generally hard for me. He told me this so much that I also believed it, well into my 20s. That is was good I was a failure and suffering.
It took a decade to build my life to a point similar to my classmates that did not suffer the way I did. And I'm not ahead of them even now.
I really wish my Dad would have gotten therapy instead of internalizing his anger, and believing that is what made him successful. It would have saved me a lot of time.